199: Lysa TerKeurst | Boundaries & Goodbyes

Lysa Terkeurst | Boundaries & Goodbyes

Lysa TerKeurst is president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of more than twenty-five books, including It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way and the #1 New York Times bestsellers Forgiving What You Can’t Forget and Uninvited. As one of the leading female Christian voices today, Lysa is a trusted source of wisdom who empowers women to really change their lives. To date, her books have sold
more than six million copies.

Lysa’s latest book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are, helps readers stop the dysfunction of unhealthy relationships by showing them proven ways to set boundaries—and, when necessary, how to say
goodbye—without losing the best of who they are.

As president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, Lysa and her team have led millions to make their walk with God an invigorating journey.

A mother of five and grandmother of three, Lysa writes from her family’s farm table in North Carolina.

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Lysa TerKeurst and Amber discuss Lysa’s new book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes. Lysa shares about the boundaries God originally set for us, levels of access and responsibility, and a boundary that has been placed on her that is both hard and healthy.

Questions Discussed During Boundaries and Goodbyes:

You begin Good Boundaries and Goodbyes with “And as we open up to each other, the deeper we connect, the more vulnerable we become. The more vulnerable we become, the more exposed the tender places inside of us become. This exposure
is risky. When we dare to be so very known, we risk being so very hurt.” Share as much or as little about your personal experience that led to the writing of this book and why the risk of being hurt is worth it?
As we begin to discuss boundaries, why do many people believe they are “unchristian”?
Has there been a time in your life when you’ve been on the receiving end of someone setting a boundary? And how did that impact you then vs. now?
Let’s close by talking about “healthy honesty” You write “Healthy honesty isn’t trying to hurt us. It’s trying to heal us.” What does healthy honesty mean?

Boundaries and Goodbyes Quotes to Remember:

“Anytime my pain is used for some kind of good, it actually increases my healing.”

“The journey was long and it was brutal and then it ended in a way that I had begged God for it not to.”

“I don’t know that I’ll ever stop grieving the loss of my marriage. but what I can say now is I’ve accepted it. I’ve worked really hard to work through what I’ve walked through.”

“Boundaries aren’t just a good idea, they’re God’s idea.”

“Healthy People respect healthy boundaries.”

“God gave access [to the temple] to certain people, but not all people. It wasn’t because he valued this group over another group. It’s because he required additional responsibility for the people who had additional access. By the time we get to the Holy of Holies, in the temple, God only allowed access to one person, the high priest, and it was once a year for him to make atonement for the people. But he also had to demonstrate the highest level of responsibility to be cleansed and purified or he would suffer the most dramatic consequences, he would drop dead.”

“Boundaries, don’t shove another person away. Healthy boundaries hold us together.”

“Healthy people respect healthy boundaries. My counselor says an unhealthy person has never met a boundary that they like.”

“I am already accepted and I’m already loved by God. I need to work from that place of acceptance and love, not work for and hustle for and demand and shy away from boundaries for that other person’s love and acceptance, because that creates real dysfunction and real unhealthy dynamics in a relationship.”

“There’s a big difference between a mistake which we all make and a pattern of behavior, which should not be tolerated…[B]oundaries establish a way for the mistakes not to turn into unhealthy patterns.”

“We cannot confuse the good command to love with the bad behavior of enabling dynamics in a relationship that should not be enabled or perpetuated.”

“Jesus laid down his life for a high and holy purpose. He did not lay down his life to enable bad behavior to continue.”