© Grace Enough Podcast2023
217: Jasmine Holmes | How to Shatter Shame's Hold on You
Jasmine Holmes | How to Shatter Shame's Hold on You
Jasmine L. Holmes is the author of Carved in Ebony: Lessons from the Black Women Who Shape Us and Mother to Son: Letters to A Black Boy on Identity and Hope.
She is also a contributing author for World on Fire: Walking in the Wisdom of Christ When Everyone’s Fighting About Everything; Identity Theft: Reclaiming the Truth of Our Identity in Christ; and His Testimonies, My Heritage: Women of Color on the Word of God.
Jasmine and her husband Phillip are parenting their children in Jackson, Mississippi. Connect with her online: https://jasminelholmes.com.
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After growing up in a Christian home, Jasmine Holmes has felt the stigma of shame her entire life and is now determined to confront it through her journey to freedom and understanding of God’s grace.
Shame is like guilt’s evil twin, honestly, in the garden, we see the beginning of both. – Jasmine Holmes
Jasmine Holmes, a thoughtful and articulate author, brings her personal experience and heartfelt insight to the topic of overcoming shame through Christ’s conviction and empowerment. Growing up as a pastor’s daughter, Jasmine has dealt with the weight of expectations and the struggle of finding her identity in Christ. She candidly shares her journey of wrestling with shame, ultimately finding freedom and healing through faith. With a passion for helping others find the same freedom, Jasmine’s vulnerability and wisdom make her a trusted voice on this challenging topic.
Summary: Shattering Shame’s Hold on You with Jasmine Holmes:
Growing up as a pastor’s daughter, Jasmine Holmes was no stranger to shame. From a young age, she felt the weight of expectations and the need to be perfect. It wasn’t until she became a mother and sought therapy that she could finally put a name to this lifelong struggle. She realized that shame had become an unhealthy companion in her life, leading her around by the nose and making her feel unworthy. Armed with newfound awareness, Jasmine began to separate shame from the Holy Spirit’s guidance, finding freedom in the process.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Grasp the critical differences between guilt and shame.
Uncover the detrimental effects of shame on mental well-being.
Embrace Christ’s conviction and strength to triumph over shame.
Apply successful communication techniques to battle shame in relationships.
Distinguish shame that arises from sin versus ordinary human situations.
Impact of Shame on Faith:
Shame can have a significant effect on a person’s faith and spiritual growth. With its powerful influence on thoughts and emotions, shame can make individuals feel unworthy, causing them to hide from others, including God. This isolation can hinder fellowship with other believers and diminish the closeness one feels with the Creator. Furthermore, shame impacts a person’s perspective, often blurring the lines between true guilt and ordinary human mistakes or circumstances. This distortion can lead to self-condemnation, potentially discouraging one from turning to God in their brokenness and seeking His grace, forgiveness, and transformation. Jasmine Holmes discusses the ways shame has affected her faith journey, especially during her early years as a pastor’s daughter. Growing up in a church environment with high expectations left her constantly feeling like she needed to be better than she was. Fortunately, Jasmine’s genuine faith helped her persevere and grow closer to God, learning to distinguish between legitimate guilt and unhelpful shame. She emphasizes the importance of not letting shame paralyze spiritual growth but rather seeking Christ’s conviction, grace, and empowerment.
- Book: Never Cast Out: How the Gospel Puts an End to the Story of Shame by Jasmine Holmes
This is a timestamped summary of the Grace Enough Podcast, Ep. 217 with Jasmine Holmes:
00:00:00 – Early Faith Journey,
Jasmine grew up in a Christian home as a pastor’s kid and had participated in many altar calls. She came to faith at six years old and never had a season of being away from God.
00:03:34 – Impact of Shame on Faith,
Being a pastor’s kid and living in a glass house led to people making huge assumptions about Jasmine’s life. When people don’t see her living up to these assumptions, she receives messages of disappointment.
00:07:02 – Definition of Shame,
Shame is the impulse to hide and the knowledge of not being enough, not being worthy, or not belonging. It often accompanies guilt and pushes us away from repentance and restoration.
00:08:09 – Value of Shame,
Society needs shame to keep people from indulging in certain impulses that may harm others. Shame can be a part of common grace, but it is a base feeling compared to the wealth of knowledge we have in Christ.
00:11:39 – Overcoming Shame,
Jasmine shares her therapy experience and how it helped her realize that she struggles more with shame than pride. Shame can be overcome by acknowledging its presence, replacing shame messages with truth, and sharing our stories with others.
00:13:42 – Naming and Dealing with Shame,
Jasmine discusses how she first came face to face with shame and how it had been a constant companion throughout her life. She shares how it took her years to separate shame from the voice of God and learn to call it out confidently.
00:16:38 – Building a Toolbox to Combat Shame,
Jasmine explains how she has built a toolbox to deal with shame, including looking to Scripture for guidance and understanding the cultural context in which it was written. She also emphasizes the importance of separating shame from the actual voice of God and learning to communicate about it with others.
00:19:35 – Overcoming the Culturally Imposed Expectations of Women,
Jasmine talks about how cultural expectations placed on women can lead to feelings of shame and how it’s essential to understand that the Bible is written in a specific cultural context. She shares how she and her husband work together to maintain their household and raise their children and how they communicate to avoid feelings of shame and resentment.
00:23:48 – Recognizing Shame and Communicating Effectively,
Jasmine shares a personal anecdote about how she recognized shame in her reaction to her husband’s comment about their messy house. She emphasizes the importance of effective communication and how shame can cause us to build kingdoms in our head based on false assumptions. She also notes how shame can affect relationships at work, with teammates, and others.
00:26:41 – Overcoming Shame and Finding Freedom,
Jasmine emphasizes that overcoming shame is a process that takes time and effort. She discusses how she’s been able to experience freedom from shame by confidently naming it and calling it out. She also stresses the importance of shining a light on the things we hide from and learning to separate shame from the actual word and law of God.
00:27:18 – False Gospels,
Jasmine discusses the three false gospels that perpetuate shame: 1) ignoring or rejecting shame, 2) using shame as a motivator, and 3) casting shame onto others. She emphasizes that the true Gospel is the only lasting antidote to shame and helps us discern the difference between shame, flesh, and Spirit.
00:29:49 – Shame in Communication,
Jasmine and Amber discuss how shame can impact communication in relationships. They share personal experiences of shame interjecting into conversations and how they have learned to recognize and navigate it. They also emphasize the importance of extending grace to others in communication.
00:32:45 – Casting Shame onto Others,
Jasmine highlights how shame can often be cast onto others in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. She shares personal examples of comparing herself to others and how her mother helped her recognize the harm in doing so. Jasmine emphasizes the importance of owning our struggles and not pointing fingers at others.
00:37:13 – The Gospel and Shame,
Jasmine emphasizes the power of the Gospel in addressing shame. She highlights how Christ nailed shame to the cross and put it to death, and how staying rooted in the Scriptures helps us discern the difference between shame, flesh, and Spirit. She encourages readers to focus on the narrative of Scripture and train themselves to discern the difference.
00:38:31 – Staying Rooted in the Word,
Jasmine emphasizes the importance of staying rooted in the Word of God to discern the difference between shame, flesh, and Spirit. She shares how she encourages middle school girls to prioritize reading the Bible and understanding its narrative. She emphasizes that the Word of God is a tool to discern the difference and stay rooted in the Gospel.
00:40:01 – The Dangers of Shaming,
The conversation begins with a discussion on the dangers of shaming and how it can come from both internal and external sources. The guest, Jasmine Holmes, shares her perspective on how Christian shaming can be unhelpful and unproductive, and how focusing on God’s promises and grace can help overcome it.
00:40:52 – Undeterred in the Quest,
Jasmine highlights the importance of staying focused on God’s promises and not getting deterred by the enemy’s attempts to shame or discourage. She uses the example of Christian’s journey in Pilgrim’s Progress to illustrate how he was undeterred by Apolloon’s attempts to shame him because he knew who God was and what He had promised.
00:41:38 – Dealing with Shame from Frailty,
The conversation shifts to discussing how shame can also come from our own limitations and humanness, rather than just from sinning. The guest shares her personal experience of feeling shame over her messy house, which was a result of having a newborn and young children, not laziness. She emphasizes the importance of knowing that Christ covers both our frailty as humans and our sins.
00:42:15 – Abiding in Christ,
Jasmine stresses the importance of abiding in Christ, whether dealing with shame from sin or just from our human limitations. She highlights that both situations require us to deepen our relationship with God and seek His help in overcoming shame. The host and guest agree that coming to God and presenting our feelings to Him is the way forward.
00:43:07 – Letting Go of Shame,
The conversation concludes with a discussion on letting go of shame and relying on God’s sufficiency. The guest emphasizes that feelings of guilt and shame can be let go of if they are unrelated to sin, and that God’s grace is enough to carry us through difficult times.
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