Ep. 10 is with Faith Raider, the author of Confessions of A Roadkill Christian
. Faith and I chat about her husband de-conversion from Christianity, facing the lie that “good” Christians don’t fall apart, depression, shame in the church, and her writing Confessions of a Roadkill Christian
Quote from Confessions of A Roadkill Christian
, “There was a woman at the front sharing her story about how God had worked in her life, and she said, “Surrender to God, and watch Him work His miracle in your life too.” and in this moment I cried out to God in my heart: ‘Where is my miracle? I have surrendered to You! I have surrendered everything to You. Everything You have asked me to lay down, I have laid it down. Every hope. Every dream. Every expectation. I have surrendered it all to you. So where is my miracle?!!” And in that moment God spoke quietly, like a gentle whisper to my soul, “What if My miracle is YOU? What if My miracle is that you are filled with joy and peace in the middle of circumstances that have not changed, not even one bit.'”
Faith begins sharing her story
[Re-guarding her husband’s de-conversion] “It was a total identity make over that I had not signed up for and it was devastating.”
“I think that’s one of the things I have learned on this journey. It is a typical path. Everybody has moments where they question their faith or they go through a period of doubt. I think inside of church we have made a really small box for what is acceptable to do with that doubt. And if you can’t stay inside that box you have to get out.”
We begin discussing the lie that “good” Christians don’t fall apart.
“I felt like there were levels of Christians [while growing up]. There were the really good Christians who were steady and faithful and then, there were the other people who couldn’t get their act together….If they could just get their act together and try as hard as we are, they would be fine.”
“I think I expected to be judged, both by the community I was in and by God…but instead I was met with so much tenderness and grace and compassion and love. I discovered in this place that God loved me so tenderly. Even though I was making bad choices, even though my faith was not strong, God’s orientation toward me was facing me like a tender Father.”
“As I wrote my story, I realized the details of our stories are different, but the pain of them is so often the same. Not everybody who reads my book is going to have experienced an inter-faith marriage, but they know what it is like when their husband is going through a depressed season or they have got their own broken places. The hope is the same. God is a redeemer. He is a restorer. He loves healing the broken places of our lives.”
“I knew God loved my husband, but I didn’t know if my husband could ever receive that love. I had to really get into a space of whatever happens God has got me and He is going to take care of me. I can’t put all my hope in Daniel coming back to God in order for our family to be happy, in order for me to love him. ”
We begin discussing our journey with depression.
Ante-natal depression: depression during the last trimester of pregnancy
Tell people around you, “I am struggling. I’m afraid it is going to get worse again.”
Have a support system.
“Early on I think I believed depression was about me and God. I just needed to believe the right things about God, get my head straight, and I wouldn’t struggle, but there is so many more factors.”
“One thing that has helped is verbalizing what’s going on inside my head….I think about the thoughts in my head as being in a closet. Once I open the doors and let the light in and let them out they lose a lot of their power.”
Find those people who understand. Not just one, but a community of people you can be open with.
Faith begins sharing about her brother’s suicide.
Faith talks about the writing of Confessions of A Roadkill Christian
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Faith discusses shame in the church.
“Shame doesn’t change people and it doesn’t work to change myself. Love has been a more powerful instrument of change.”
“When we let God love us in the places where we feel the most shame we find so much redemption and power to follow God.”
Faith shares where she and her husband are on their faith journey now.
“In life we are constantly deconstructing and re-constructing.”
“When we are in a season of questioning, some people lean toward certainty…and some people lean into doubt. We need to have more compassion, especially for people who are leaning into doubt.”